Around the time I first pitched ‘Brent DiCrescenzo’, I met a girl on Twitter who I would call my first girlfriend lover fuckbuddy. The romance was short-lived, ending over Discord with the realization that I was too immature and self-centered for a relationship at the time. However, when life gives you a lemon of a psychosexual one-month sexting affair, you make Hives-flavored lemonade!
lyrics
I just
got my first girlfriend
I'm so enamored
but I don't know what she looks like
I'm sure
that she is really cute
I wish she'd tell me so
but she's kinda the silent type
She just
wants me to fuck her
and call her bad words
call her a bitch and a slut and a whore
our sex
is all in asterisks
she lives in Michigan
but I still have her cumming on the floor
I just
got my first girlfriend
she's always lonely
she's always lonely, sad and horny
I just
hope that she likes me
I hope she likes me
I hope she really, really likes me, yeah
Our first
date was so awkward
I tried to relate
talked about how we both play DnD
but she
just wanted my D
made indications
told me to have her no charity
next thing
I know, we're texting
I'd never dommed before
you could tell I didn't know how
virtually
went in with no lube
she gave me blisters
but I kinda like the pain now
I just
got my first girlfriend
she's always lonely
she's always lonely, sad and horny
I just
hope that she likes me
I hope she likes me
I hope she really, really likes me, yeah
she told me to call her inferior
as I decorate her interior
turns out I got a bad-boy side when I'm textin'
yeah, let's go sexin'!
I wish
I could be with her
we'd lay for hours
listening to 100 gecs
fuck your
notions of romance
'cause this is true love
we're like Spader and Gyllenhaal
if you
just heard her whimper
saw her tight asshole
then you might get it after all
so far
we've done it four times
wanna get personal
she just gives me the cold shoulder
when she's
not hot and bothered
her illness blocks my path
man, I just wanted to hold her
(liebermintz sings this next bit)
He just
got his first girlfriend
he's so enamored
but he he doesn't know what she looks like
he's sure
that she's really cute
wishes she'd tell him so
but she's kinda the silent type
she just
wants him to fuck her
and call her bad words
call her a bitch and a slut and a whore
their sex
is all in asterisks
she lives in Michigan
but he still has her cumming on the floor
I just
got my first girlfriend
she's always lonely
she's always lonely, sad and horny
I just
hope that she likes me
I hope she likes me
I hope she really, really likes me, yeah
I just
wrote her this love song
I hope she likes it
I hope she really, really likes it, yeah...
credits
from Shane Shan Sean,
released August 27, 2021
music by Sean McGann and Shane Smith
lyrics by Sean McGann
Sean supplies the dirtiest vocals since WAP
Shane supplies the guitars, the bass, the drums, vocals on that one verse where it sounds like Local H circa 1995, and the production
Lance Armstrong supplies the bicycle-powered generator used to power the DAW used to record this song and the destruction of several cyclists' careers.
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