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Shaking Hands with Modern Man

by Monaural

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1.
There Goes the Neighborhood 03:28
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shaking hands with modern man, we're compromising each others' plans we like to be all the things but we just can't well, there goes the neighborhood here i am, i'm a fellow man well, i think i am - i dunno who the hell i am i'm domesticated, i'm a hybrid and my best friend's the drummer in the band well, there goes the neighborhood we say the things to go to you it damn well affects us too i know this is just another show our lives we must sow well, here i am, i'm a fellow folf and what we play, well - it's solid gold discombobulated, but still sane and my girlfriend gets the sound from the les paul there goes the neighborhood we say the things to go to you it damn well affects us too i know this is just another show our lives we must sow shaking hands with modern man, what we do in the band frankly, i give a damn - we'll be also-rans we're here to rock you with our sonics - musical tonic so hop on your feet and boogie to the beat go we say the things to go to you it damn well affects us too i know this is just another show our lives we must sow
2.
Toothache 02:23
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i don't get enough of my adrenaline rush the hunters are merely just tooth and nail guns but i stay in the game as i glance at my mates i'm not too good at this shit but it settles my limp business i'd rather draw in my book but i think it damn well shook you see i had a dream once - drew these "humans" just for fun i mean the joke was just dumb, repeat it ad nauseam but i couldn't detect the scents - artless is just for the best how did we come here who is our godhead who is the mean we fear - that fills us with dread am i creator am i a creator am i a creator
3.
Randy 01:50
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hello randy, prodigal father metaphysical wanderer, died off sadly and you, i look forward to seeing your face again, feel your new warm hands are you happy, randy in the great beyond it all feels charming my solo song hello, mommy, why do you look like hell d'ya hear the death knell - notice the embalming you've muttered insults at things caught within the grasp what did daddy do you you - won't you tell me the truth are you happy, randy in the lake of fire are in the insults handy your career of lyin' hello, randy - forbidden bust loosening of trust, it's all rather dandy rather dashing to vincent's mom whom you knew as mom had me - fought tooth & nail, randy are you smiling, randy as they tear you apart isn't this your candy desires of your heart shaking hands with modern man gone fishin', you'll be damned but it feels so empty what the fuck am i, randy
4.
Slowlearner 04:50
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Rudy, as he knows The fellow folf growin’ cold Another silly slow learner Disconnect from the world he serves The things happen to him Never learns a damn thing, bears a grin Stuck inside those prior times Watching his life is such a grind Why does his reality change back? Nothing changes, as a matter of fact. Why try to pull every single trick If he ain’t gonna stick? I think his family’s static To keep at bay the hive politic. It all just works out too well – At least we’ve aimed to give him hell. (Hey, you try differentiating yourself in the marketplace of ideas, where nothing’s as what it seems and where nothing seems to gleam. I don’t know why, it always happens that way. I guess you don’t fix whatever ain’t broken because you’ll leave it smoldering. You call me static? I have a baby sister who’s a better hunter than I! I’ll have you know that my family’s gotten hell constantly for that! Not like you guys have lives entirely scot-free. Not a lot of resistance – I mean, I don’t know how, but I split everything with you.) Livid varieties (where have you been?) Keep on those tragedies (have you witnessed your dead?) Tear down those signs – (you’re guilty of the same crimes) “Grey-fur freaky folfs need not apply.” Rudy, as he knows I’d like to see him on that skid row He’s a mess of everything I don’t know how he keeps so sane Things all happen to him Repeatin’ ad nauseam Do you set in stone What do the fans say …wait… NO! He’ll come around eventually. He’s a slow learner (I’m a slow learner)
5.
The Balladeer Drives 03:12
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I’ve been sittin’ in my car all day Lookin’ o’er the things I have to say Corrie dropped by a few minutes ago And she said I can’t keep goin’ on this road Lookin’ out the windshield all this time Looking for that sign that I can’t find I guess this life has something else in store It never has occurred to me before… …what should I do now? All the signs direct me to the truth. I’ve been on the road for half an hour The dawn of peace, it sticks out like a tower Relief is up the road, ten miles ahead If it fails me yet, I’ll soon be dead I’m desperate, but I do this just to live I do it for myself, go through the sieve …what should I do now? All the signs direct me to the truth. Sacrificing a partition Cauterizing my condition Settling my old unrest Not giving in to my old friends Ignoring voices from the cynics Change the thoughts of stalwart bigots Gone three days and come out new What’s done is done and all is through. …what should I do now? All the signs direct me to the truth.
6.
Dreaming of You (Green to Blue) 03:42
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I remember when I was four Ridin’ to the playground Just another day all around At least I wasn’t bored… And then I saw you sittin’ there It’d be fun to talk to you We felt that magic in the air Fades away in sight of truth And I dream because of you Of not hearin’ the news I hope it’s all just fake A six-years-and-counting phase But I like you no matter what Despite all that is rough Now tell me what you see Why do you hurt me? When I fall in love with my love Hey, don’t tear it all apart Look at me, you’re breaking up my star I hope you regret what you’ve done Hey you, humor me I know you’re in the red The end game’s all just a dream To us, you’re as good as dead The hell do you mean that “I’m a dick?” Now what you’ve done is really sick You’ve no idea how much it hurts Your betrayal I don’t deserve When I fall in love with my love Hey, don’t tear it all apart Look at me, you’re breaking up my star I hope you regret what you’ve done Desecrate my genesis The reason I’m the folf I am You stupid vegan bitch High upon your power trip Well, I thought I knew you well it’s obvious you don’t give a damn I swear to God I’ll do ya in You chlorophyll head (how could you do this, my only friend?) When I fall in love with my love Hey, don’t tear it all apart Look at me, you’re breaking up my star I hope you regret what you’ve done
7.
Lucidity Song 03:31
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i woke up to the sound of machinery slowly taking in my change of scenery blood gushing out through my moist nose as for what happened, everybody knows i thought i stopped him real good but that's not how thing's ideally would go but i was ignorant of peace god i wish this were a terrible dream i feel like i'm sleepwalking, like i'm dead this is where i reside prior to eternal rest dressed up by men who look up to the sun lowered down by hands of light and love shaking hands with modern man, i regret trip lying in pain, with judgmental eyes gazing at me, stitched lines and shadows sharp in my broken mind all my education is nothing but lies i look at him, next to me - he turns away with bandaged snout and broken arm, his face is of dismay light all fluorescent, buzzing like the flies i'm afraid that i won't get any more tries what i have slept through to become the monster heaven's out of reach for me, hell's my place, i'm sure guided to my pain by a man who's forced to shove eased into my eternity by hands of light and love slowly i came to the truth - what i did was wrong how that'd alter course, how it'd change my song as i cried crocodile tears, they morphed to my regrets please, god, don't let this resonate - don't let it set it's my fault, not his fault, but my own damn fault i didn't understand, i went into like i'm saul and blinded by the light, know what to be and with that, bruno turned, stopped, and looked at me
8.
Song to Fiona 04:32
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Rudy: Here I am, out your window Here you are, arms akimbo And I see the bags under your eyes But instead I see the sweet delight I damn well know it’s 12:35 But outside the night’s alive with life And I don’t have to worry ‘bout surprise Kev & Mom left me in charge tonight I sing and play with my open arms By this time you know I mean you no harm So, Fiona, won’t you accept my hand And traverse the early morning frownland? Fiona: No, thanks, you’re well aware it’s late I see you’re just pleading for a date Why won’t you call me on the telephone? Why don’t you get your feet on the road? Besides, if I wanted to accept your plea Mom and Dad would worry sick of me As you see, I’m stuck here for the night Gee, you must have a terrible sense of time And I respond with a resounding “no” So pack up that resonator-Dobro and go Please, Rudy, now’s not the time to see you But don’t that as me saying we’re through. Rudy: Won’t you let me have a smoke? Fiona: Sure, they’ll never know. Rudy: Care to join outside? Fiona: Rudy, now’s not the proper time. Rudy: Now what will convince you? Fiona: If only you’d stay true Rather than feelin’ blue Not letting the bad news get to you! Rudy: Well, looks like I screwed that up Went about it wrong with all that stuff I’m a little hasty, I shoulda nipped it in the bud Shoulda went down here when the sun came up Fiona: I guess I could join for a cigarette I mean, after all, I’ve been so doggone stressed Let’s leave it at that and reconvene Rudy: I’d wish you watch the sunrise with me. Rudy: I sing and with you I feel alive… Fiona: I sing and with you I feel alive… Rudy: I’ll catch you later when we finish this thing Fiona: yeah, over at Bruno’s, down on Main Rudy: Good night. Fiona: Good night…
9.
One-on-One 01:33
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what do you want, rudy just answer me truthfully, please go ahead, go on and tell me i don't know if i should let it be sometimes i want authority sometimes i want authority but i dream of autonomy and it's an odd form of heresy send me off in a prayer and don't you come back later fiona, why bring this up now i know you can hear every sound i know you feel so down why you're crying on the ground sometimes i wish for the old days back when i could get lost in your face when we had that everlasting gaze but i must let it fade but i can't send me off in a prayer and don't you come back later
10.
Monaural 02:57
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aren't you just ungrateful unfold me like a gatefold i can't think straight because you and your stupidity give me the blues maybe i'm mono compatible maybe i'm just unable to fix this mess of a relation screw off with the elation the horse cries over to me as you fly land, sky and sea you think you're better than thee it's just in your wildest dreams and i drop by and say hello you're the red sight who comes to shove i'm one speaker and you're the other one too i don't know why we say we're through look who's talking semantics it's nice we've given up romantics tell me, fiona, what's this about you chewing me out for every sound in 28 minutes i'd have this done by regnad kcin and his lack of a gun damn your jubilation, full speed ahead there, i said it, you're better off dead! the warped skies over the sea with beings who pollute the streams that's what you are, a waste of the scene your evil eyes they glow so green and i drop by and say hello you're the red sight who comes to shove i'm one speaker and you're the other one too i don't know why we say we're through and yet i can't hate you those things i've said, they're not true i was hurt and it's my fault i admit it, just please make the call i don't deserve your love and affection hell, i don't deserve an iota of attention what the hell did you do to me it's alright if you don't want to see me and i drop by and say hello you're the red sight who comes to shove i'm one speaker and you're the other one too i don't know why we say we're through
11.
The Heart's as Black as Night 03:36
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look into my beautiful mind and tell me that the heart's as black as night. as far as i could tell, the unceasing well of all the pain is merely but a drain for those dumb ideas you've come to me with all these lucricities, so if you'll kindly go away and leave me to my day... smells like burning souls in the moist air tells lies hurting souls in the boy's hair into her sad eyes i gaze, the both of them their eyes they amaze me as i try to search inwardly trying to find what i've done to hurt them - i feel like it was intentional and the price i pay is this burning hell so please like my naive self i want to be the new me, i can change... smells like burning souls in the moist air tells lies hurting souls in the boy's hair let me wake up let me wake up lord for the love of god let me wake up lord i can't wake up why can't i wake up my blood runs cold at the dawn of a sun as i bare my fangs, unsheath my claws and gaze at the mess i had become, struggle to go back to those old dreams of fiona as i once knew her, not as the bitter being i caricatured her in the haste of our fight but as she and like that i sat down and i cried smells like burning souls in the moist air tells lies hurting souls in the boy's hair let me wake up let me wake up lord for the love of god let me wake up lord i can't wake up why can't i wake up my blood runs cold at the dawn of a sun
12.
You Play Your Hand! I Sing Abandon! 04:28
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(lyrics to be added later)
13.
Spicy 02:37
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I’m so empty without you Sometimes I can’t see it through The both of us, we stick like glue But an aging record label, it peels So we try so hard to stay sealed Always prioritizing the real Corrie, you’re the real deal You’re the real deal I met you one day in the midst of a hunt I was reluctant, couldn’t give enough We had a chat for two or three hours We’d rule the world if it weren’t so sour Thanks for everything, I love the support Fix up all my stuff and the sort Corrie, you recognize me as a man Not a wolf, but a man I hear another spray of complaints From Rudy and his girl. All we can do is wait. But I can’t help but to feel they missed The entire point of this silly shift. Like the mom who’s scared of Death Grips Wanting her kids to listen to the Butt Life Kicks. Corrie, we should try to help them. That’d be a godsend.
14.
These Highways 02:54
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Too much pressure on these highways Downtown streets got me less worried The open roads are mine for the keeping But every day, I ask “what is it that I’m seeking?” These highways are paths beyond The ever-present promise of suburban humdrum They lead to infinity, return from infinity And after my trips I show more affinity As I stare out into the sunset, I ask Fiona if she can take my hand And she did and we felt no consequence And we tiptoed into this brand new land Too much pressure keepin’ up with demand By the time it’s all over I become Caliban A wild pawn useful for insignificant things And the ones I haven’t got they’ve bumped down to dreams These highways lead to downtown avenues Cut my losses and I can’t really follow through These highways, they end in the tunnels And once I’m stuck inside, we might as well go into our fun Hell As I stare out into the sunset, I ask Fiona if she can take my hand And she did and we felt no consequence And we tiptoed into this brand new land These highways, they’re my guiding light They’re my Star of Bethlehem, cuts through the night They’re the beacon of hope, they’re my quiet revenge They’re the things that get me through so much of my stress
15.
There Goes the Neighborhood, Pt. 2 00:55
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We said the things that went through you It damn well affected us too We managed to just barely get by Within a thread of our lives We’re still shaking hands with modern man

about

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----------SHAKING HANDS WITH MODERN MAN--------

the moment gardening season ended was the moment king harvest surely came. rudy knew this - having jeopardized his super-secret scholarship from a super-secret organization while struggling in high school due to his worsening dystracksia, he was pretty much stuck on the gardening team until he graduated. it wasn't all that bad - after all, he enjoyed the idea of growing fruits and vegetables, even if he couldn't personally eat them once harvested. as long as he earned trophies for his inexplicable green thumb, a few months harvesting on a collegiate level would be nothing to him.

rudy liked creating, giving something life. as long as he could remember, he couldn't put down his pencil. he had to draw something - anything. this, of course, led him to give up drawing as a career since the only thing he could come up with were creatures whose mere presence would cause worldwide instinct loss, which in turn would cause another moral panic he was not willing to experience again. this led him to the guitar, which wasn't his first choice but was good enough for a high schooler willing to keep creating in between stopping production on "humans" and realizing that he loved to garden.

rudy was turned onto the guitar by his long-time friend, bruno lupulin, a ram who happened to look more like a wolf in the meantime. bruno had learned guitar when he was a kid, when he, tired of dragging his parents away from their new home theater set-up, occupied his time with their record collection. he discovered the guitarist leo kottke - a lion who played in the "american primitivism" style of folk-classical-jazz guitar fusion, but at a significantly faster speed than his contemporaries - and fell in love with his playing. at times, he resembled a folk player with significantly more technique - at other times, he was a precursor to the shimmering twisting guitar lines of math rock and midwest emo. this spurred bruno to take up the guitar, borrowing his dad's martin and teaching himself the fundamentals.

in their guitar circles, bruno would play the guitar similarly to kottke whereas rudy, more interested in playing whatever was on the alternative station in the city, played his usual gamut of chords, albeit with an increasing speed in order to keep up with his friend. one day, during one of these guitar circles, rudy suggested that they try writing their own material. out of that suggestion, half of the songs on this album, their debut, were written.

around this time, bruno had moved in with his girlfriend corrie dewclaw (no relation to rudy), a sheep who urged bruno to become a full-time herbivore, and had set up a makeshift recording studio in one of the vacant rooms over at their place of residence, the fennec mansion boarding house, "the eyesore of domain." the owner of the house (but not the operator of the business), fiona fennec, was rudy's longtime girlfriend. famous a few short years due to her ability to fix the Y2K bug and, for a while, one of the richest people in the world. she split her time between her mom's place (the mansion) and her dad's place (the usual middle-class tree dwelling) - and on the weekend rudy and bruno came in to cut whatever they had in the "studio," fiona offered to assist them. not only did her advanced hearing, in part due to her fennec heritage, allow her to act as a suitable mixer, she had taken up a bit of guitar playing to occupy the time (and to help calm down her human brother, francis).

corrie offered to join the group as well, playing guitar as well as bass. unfortunately, for both rudy and bruno, a four-person guitar circle would not suffice for the songs they wrote. for personal playing, sure, they'd be down for that, but they had to get out these songs in whatever arrangements they had in their heads. fortunately, for bruno, he had made sure to learn to play the drums - this time, through an actual teacher (the cigarette-smoking man from the '70s power pop band) - back when he was a kid. he borrowed a gazelle friend's kit, hauled the entire thing up to the fennec mansion by himself (said friend was down the street), and got himself re-acclimated to the skins.

fiona and rudy would serve as guitarists, corrie as both bassist and keyboardist (though fiona and bruno also knew their way around a minimoog and virtualized mellotron), and bruno as the drummer. with this line-up in place, they resumed songwriting - rudy and fiona taking inspiration from their very brief break-ups and creating something of a loose concept around this material; bruno and corrie writing love and metal songs; and rudy throwing in a little ditty about his deceased father, randy foxglove.

eventually, at the end of the week, they had the songs written, endlessly rehearsed, and recorded. the problem is: they didn't know what to do with it. the band, who called themselves the van gelders (fiona suggested the name in order to give themselves something to go by), sent the tape to various labels - all of them rejected the tape.

except for one. a local label by the name of clicker.

clicker records is proud to bring you the electrifying debut by the van gelders, "shaking hands with modern man," a concept album with a personal edge.
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credits

released November 1, 2018

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produced and mixed by fiona fennec

the van gelders are:
rudy dewclaw - lead vocals, guitar
fiona fennec - co-lead vocals on 8, background vocals, guitar, mellotron
corrie dewclaw - bass, guitar, background vocals, hammond B-3
bruno lupulin - drums, lead vocals on 5 and 13, guitar, minimoog

recorded at the fennec house of metal, domain, USA
thanksgiving week

catering by many an omnivore take-out restaurant

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produced and mixed by liebermintz

the van gelders are played by monaural

monaural are:
liebermintz - lead vocals, guitars, bass, minimoog, hammond B-3, mellotron, drum programming
speeler - lead vocals on 5 and 13
becka lundy - co-lead vocals on 8, 9, and 10

recorded at heated new sound, oxford, ga from october 30, 2015 to november 1, 2018
recorded remotely in various places around pennsylvania and georgia

speeler and becka lundy appear courtesy of flamingo chicks

artwork by liebermintz, with inspiration from geinoh yamashirogumi

all songs by shane smith (ASCAP/BMI), except for tracks 5 and 13 (thor speeler/shane smith), 4 (shane smith/katamari oneohone), 12 (shane smith/tim jones/sam crowley), and 14 (shane smith/charles kieser).

© 2009-18 my own self

kevin & kell © 1995-2018 bill holbrook. all rights reserved.
characters © bill holbrook.

check out kevin & kell, the webcomic by bill holbrook that inspired the concept album, at kevinandkell.com

special thanks to andrea robbins, nick sweat, thor speeler, jacob abate, pedro stiles, katamari oneohone and kegan watkins for mixing pointers and general critique; jonah mosher, adam neal and josh schaffrick for being there; and, most importantly, bill holbrook, without whose crazy soft-satirical furry webcomic this album would not be possible.

CLIQ-1001

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Clicker Records Atlanta, Georgia

Clicker Records: music for people who think they're better than Poco. The best net label since Beer on the Rug.

Est. 2014.

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